Til Death Do You Part

This blog is about marriage, as you would probably guess from the title. Now, there are a lot of so-called marriage experts out there...but I'm not one of them. I do, however, feel highly qualified to comment. You see, I've done it very very very wrong...and I've done it very very very VERY right! So, having been from hell to heaven in marriage relationships, I offer the following observations.

First...I'd throw out all the psycho-babble mumbo-jumbo that is so popular in our society. Fair fighting, "boundry" rules (I can't tell you how much I HATE all that boundry talk)...none of that stuff is useful as far as I'm concerned.

Second...if you don't get anything else I say, be sure to hang on to this...Marriage is NOT 50-50 like society tells us. Simple math. Multiply 1/2 time 1/2 and you don't get a whole...you get a quarter. Marriage should be 100-100. If each of you always put your spouse first, you will always meet in the middle. This is the single most inportant secret that has allowed me and my bride of almost 9 years to have never had a fight. Thats right...not one single arguement since the day we met. You must be willing to assume that your mate always means well...even if he puts his foot in his mouth. When that happens, don't get angry and attack...look him lovingly in the eyes and say "I don't think that came out the way you intended it...wanna try that again?"

You see...conflict of any kind in any relationship is about selfishness. You can analyze to death a persons history and why they have low self-esteem, etc..., but it still boils down to selfishness. By the way...selfishness is the root of not only conflict...but of all sin. You MUST be willing to be selfLESS...thus the 100-100 rule.

Third, you must have shared values and shared faith. You can be married to someone who likes different activities, movies, etc... and you can be married to someone who doesn't share your faith (or lack thereof), but it simply won't work. The Bible commands that we not be unequally yoked. Successful marriage requires like minded people.

Finally...and I know this won't be popular with some people...is the subject of authority. The Bible tells us repeatedly that God designed a hierarchy of authority in all of creation...including marriage. Scripture says that the husband is the head of the household, and the wife is to submit to her husband. Now, there is a lot going on here. The husband is the head of the household as Christ is head of the Church. That model requires that the husband leads...by serving his family. He only has the right to be "in charge" when he is serving/leading his family in the way Christ served the Church. As for the ladies...the command to "submit" is not a slavery kind of thing. A scriptural wife is a partner to her husband in all ways, and under his SCRIPTURAL leadership, she respects and cooperates with her husband's leadership.

So...in summary...throw out society's psycho-babble, be equally yoked, use the 100-100 rule to meet in the middle, assume scriptural marriage roles appropriately. This is a simple (not easy) formula. To be sure, there are lots of layers and details that factor into day-to-day life, but without these foundations, nothing else will work.

Blessings to you all.